Haka Heaven – the All Blacks
You probably know, or should by now, that the New Zealand rugby team are pretty damn good. Especially in their recent thrashing of France in the Rugby World Cup semis. If you have eyes, you’ll have also noticed they’re ridiculously hot.
It’s not just the Haka that sends chills down our spine. They have a magical ability to make other rugby teams with seemingly OK-looking blokes look like troll creatures in comparison.
It was no mean feat whittling them down to just five and putting them in an order. But ever the professionals, we’ve done the legwork for you. No, really. We were in thigh heaven.
Here’s our top 5 mighty fine All Blacks…
5. Victor Vito
Position: Blindside flanker
Lowdown: Victor Vito made his debut for the All Blacks in 2010 and his current club team is Wellington Hurricanes. Also he has a cool name that sounds like a DJ slash Harry Potter character.
Extra goss: He’s done some catwalk modelling for underwear brand Jockey for New Zealand’s Fashion week. *Google images frantically*
4. Jerome Kaino
Position: Loose forward
Lowdown: At a towering 6’5″ (1.96m) you can’t miss this fella. Playing for the Blues in the Super Rugby and an international pplayer since 2006, he’s up there with the best of them. He’s a devoted family man, married with two children. Because otherwise we’d obviously have a chance.
Extra goss: Kaino is the second US national of Samoan descent to play for the All Blacks.
3. Richie McCaw
Lowdown: The main man of the All Blacks. With 146 caps, he’s the most capped rugby union player of all time. He plays by the rules too, with only three sin bins in his international career. His rugby skills aside, he’s the sort of bloke that looks like if your feet hurt at the end of the night he’d fireman lift you home. Well, we can dream.
Extra goss: Two of our Janes have met him and can confirm he is FIT with a capital F. How one encounter went down…
If there’s anything less smooth than running into someone (literally in trainers and neon Lycra) it’s when you realise it’s Richie frigging McCaw.
Me, stunned, “F****!!!”
Richie, tries to rescue it, “Hello!”
Me, still without the capacity to function like a normal human being, “S***!!”
Shockingly he skulks off. I go back to the office to find the rain had made my mascara run. Brilliant. I met Richie McCaw and I came off like a PANDA WITH TOURETTE’S.
2. Sonny Bill Williams
Lowdown: Sonny Bill Williams or SBW as the cool kids call him, is both a rugby union and rugby league player. In fact, he’s the second person to play for New Zealand in rugby union after first playing for the country in rugby league.
Extra goss: SBW is also a professional boxer. He’s currently ranked inside the top 100 heavyweight boxers in the world with BoxRec. Like we need another reason to LOOK AT THOSE ARMS. Never have we seen a full sleeve tattoo look so good.
1. Dan Carter
Position: Fly half
Lowdown: This guy is New Zealand’s answer to David Beckham (though obvs no one can compare to our Becks). Carter plays for the Canterbury Crusaders in Super Rugby as well as internationally for the All Blacks. He’s the highest point scorer in Super Rugby and one of the greatest fly halfs in rugby history.
Extra goss: Dan Carter has been modelling for underwear brand Jockey since 2003. His wife Honor also starred alongside him in a 2009 Jockey campaign which looks like the cheesiest thing we’ve seen since our Cheryl and Ashley Cole ate Cadburys flakes on their wedding photo shoot. But hey if we had a man that buff we’d be dancing round in our vest and pants grinning like a Cheshire cat too.
So that’s our top 5 – we’re off for a cool down… Who is your fave rugby player? Share with us @tweetjanes